Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
