Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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