I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
