At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
