Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
