Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
