Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
