my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
