mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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