Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
