PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
