i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My vagina just recognized that song.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
