Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
