But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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