You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
