Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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