i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
