the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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