whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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