Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
