Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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