I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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