dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
