my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
