my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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