We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize