he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
