i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
