You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
