Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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