Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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