i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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