I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
