is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
