i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
