her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am one with the molecules
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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