I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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