We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
