so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
