i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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