listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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