im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
