Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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