I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize