i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
