The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
