girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
