Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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