i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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