Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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