I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
