i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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