I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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