You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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