Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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