why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
