Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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