I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
