a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Everything about him screamed your future.
nutella sex= disaster
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
