are you still at the devil's house?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think i have two assholes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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