I understand Curling. That high.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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