Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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