Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
