The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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