I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize