I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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