Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I cockslap morals
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
