i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
