I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
